Milena Bogavac

Red: sex and conseqences

DMS
Drama Mental Studio

presents

Milena Bogavac

RED
sex and conseqences

descovering feminity trough pain. tragedy of toughtstreaming.

© Milena Minja Bogavac

(tel. :+ 3810641132409; minjabebe@hotmail.com

CHARACTERS:  

• SHE: Woman. Girl. Eve. And Lilit, as well. Confusion. And Fear.
• EVE: Mother. And Daughter, as well. Birth. Life. And Love.
• LILIT: Whore. Passion. Sex. And Death, as well. Freedom. And Pain.
• DR: Facts. Doctor and coroner. Feminism. And sexlessness, as well. Career. And Nothing.

Could be performed by one actress, or two, or five, or any amount of actors, as you wish.

 

Dark. Sound of couple making love. Faster, faster, faster...Orgasm her and his at same time. Her orgasmic moaning becomes scream, hysterical, beastly scream. Silence at a snap. Light goes on.

DR stands in front of a blackboard. Writing, not paying attention to audience. Takes her time to write following text: „ In one year 80.000 to 100.000 women in Serbia goes through intentional abruption of pregnancy“

DR: Where of is six thousand girls younger than twenty. Statistically it means that one of six Serbian female teen had at least one abortion. If number of abortions compares to number of children born, it leads to astonishing fact: there is three to five times more children made than born. At that, we must have in sight a fact that every child born is registrated .Every abortion is not. Registered are only those in „Narodni Front“ clinic in Belgrade. It is also well known that intentional abruption of pregnancy can be done in private gynaecologic infirmaries, in capital city in as much as those subsidiary towns and cities. This means that digits we make use of are not half-way that horrid as real situation.

Stops. Writes „Abortion“ on blackboard.

DR: Abortion is basic contraceptive method in Serbia. We would not talk about consequences that abortion does to women reproductive organs. We would not talk about low birth-rate, or lack of sexual education in high schools as well as elementaries. Would not talk about abortion as sin in religious domain, cause, thanks to God- there is no God. The question is this: What kind of women lives in Serbia today? Whose are those women, mothers, mistresses, sisters? What is going on in their minds? In your mind? Does feminity learns trough pain? Is pain the only way of learning feminity in Serbia? If not - how? If yes - why ? What are Serbian women? Excuse me: WHO are those women? Who am I ?!.

SHE: Women is secret.

My secret is large as death. As life. As well.

Life nobody's. Nobody's life. Mine. Maybe. Or his. Ours. Cut!

DR: Woman is human. Human-conscious life form. The one who can think. The one who knows what wants, what is able to do and what desires. In fact, what do you want?

SHE: I want to feel better. Thoughts to stop. Feelings too. And not to be.

DR: Not to be?! Thoughts to stop?! Feelings too. So cheap. Insignificant. Pathetic. As well.

This is an ordinary boy.

Boy not handsome or ugly, simply ordinary. His ordinariness leads to impersonality.

SHE: However...Someone goes to bed with him.

LILIT: Movements of his wiry body brings undreamt passion to someone. Yes. His hands are such a turn on for someone and that women isn't me. Thank you God it's not me.

DR: Isn't you?

SHE: Bus full of people.

I'm looking straight to his eyes.

EVA: Bitch.

LILIT: His eyes are black. Looking at me. He had to, yes, he had to feel my glance like burning fagend on his forehead. Because I look deep. My glance ends into his and then Ooops.

Face down. Shy smile.

DR: Let's call things their real names.

LILIT: My glance ends into his and then Ooops. Enact shy smile. Is that right?

DR: Right. Then?

EVA: What?

SHE: Bus full of people.

Turn my back on him. I can see his gray silhouette on dusty windshield.

LILIT: I can feel his fingertips on my body. At first , touches a spot below my back, and then balk.

Same as from fire would.

Women is fire.

My fire is large as death. As life. As well. Like fear too. Nobody's. Maybe mine. Yes mine.

Fearful and hot as hell. Evil as devil. Devil is a woman. Witch, pytoness, whore.

Not moving. I feel his fingers widen.

EVA: My god!

LILIT: I can feel his hand on my ass. Just holds it, not moving. Not moving. I'm not moving. I'm turning on. Turning myself on. Not because of that hand. Because of myself under this hand. Because of myself not moving. I don't want him to stop.

EVA: It's a sin.

LILIT: Moment, just tick out of sin, or wrong place, wrong bus line...

EVA: Adventure?

LILIT: This adventure lasts one station, one mile.

EVA: Then stop. Get out of bus, go home. Never think of it. Never talk about it. Don't even remember. That.

LILIT: Anyway, I look at him. Graze him with hot glance.

EVA: Then stop. Get out of bus, go home. Never think about it. Never talk about it. Don't even remember. That.

LILIT: His hand is, however, doughtily leans onto me. He ruffles my trousers. Touches me.

Endlessly daring.

Eva screams.

LILIT: I could start screaming, and then - what?

SHE: What then?

I'm not doing it. Nothing you didn't wanted.

EVA: And then? Stop? Get out of bus, go home?

LILIT: Once more I move my ass like real harlot.

SHE: Like fake fucking promise!

LILIT: Like fucking fake feeling.

(BUS DOOR OPENS AND CLOSES-OFF)

DR: And then?

SHE: Then I feel his hand on my shoulder.

LILIT: Then I turn around.

SHE: He tell me his name, and shake my hand.

EVA: Nice to meet you and then - end!!!

LILIT: Then I smile.

SHE: I tell my name. Smile at him again. He catches a cab. I sit into cab. Then we drink filter coffee in some transiet cafe.

DR: He is obviously boy with manners. It's possible that he never step up to woman in this fashion , before.

Phone ring

Maybe he have a girlfriend...He might be married.

SHE: I have a boyfriend. I don't want a lover. Even if i wanted...

EVA: I don't want lover. Don't want lover.

SHE: ...he is everything I don't want him to be.

DR: Answers phone. For you...imagine that.

SHE: Halo?

EVA: Halooo?

SHE: Darling, it's you...

EVA: Calling at last!

SHE: No. I'm still in downtown...Met this girl i know, yes...What?

EVA: What?

SHE: I'll be there soon.

EVA: I'll be there right away, darling.

LILIT: Right away, daarliiin'

Yeah, right.

SHE: But he makes a move!

DR: He makes a move?!

SHE: He moves his leg. Wouldn't go any further!? He is afraid!...Of what!? Of me?

EVA: Of adultery. And vengeance.

LILIT: Woman.

Woman is secret. And he retreats.

DR: They are not afraid of secrets.

LILIT: He is afraid of my secret.

My secret .Large as death. As life, as well.

EVA: Whose life?

SHE: Nobody's life. My secret.

LILIT: Red like blood.

EVA: Red like shame, as well.

LILIT: As my shamelessness, as well.

EVA: As my favourite dress, as well.

SHE: Same as my hair.

LILIT: As my ultra thin napkin, seven days monthly.

EVA: And roses on grandmas balcony.

DR: As symbolic notion of incompleteness, it's own unfulfillment of body, flash lying in it's own blood, body that have been exploded and spilled to the floor. Red, as enemy that fumes. Image of body in his elemental state. Only image of body that is real. Bloody pile.

Red. Communism. Comment?

EVA: Red is way out of fashion...

sms

„My love, I love you almost like our new ups.“

SHE: sms

„There is something missing in my lap.“

DR: sms

„Here you are, look at it , when you wouldn't let me screw you.“

LILIT: sms

„You slut. Your cunt ruined my marriage.“

SHE: I thik that ...

sms

„Why are you thinking, when it's not working out for you.“

DR: sms

„Bullying actresses again, you tomboy.“

Turn off your mobile phones.

EVA: sms

I wouldn't buy you red sneakers...why not?

DR: Turn off your mobile phones! Right...Where we were at?

EVA: In transient cafe.

SHE: Yes.We drank coffee.

DR: Then?

SHE: He haven't called again.

LILIT: He never ever called.

EVA: Well, sure. He figured out that I have boyfriend.

LILIT: He shited his pants, sweetheart.

SHE: How come stronger is afraid?

DR: Maybe afraid of your boyfriend?

EVA: Afraid of willingness to cheat with first one passing by.

LILIT: Afraid of me. Cause im dyke. Horny dyke turned on all the way up to limits of passion.

Onto one woman.

SHE: Onto myself.

Myself alone.

How come stronger is afraid?

Afraid of weakness?

LILIT: Whose weakness?

SHE: My weakness. Feebleness. Fucking physical feebleness! Unable to defend myself in dark...

LILIT: Unable to scream in light...

DR: Afraid of advantage?

LILIT: Whose advantage?

SHE: My advantage! Advantage of hunter in mud. Advantage of victim.

DR: How do you mean victim?...We became masters of world . Slave without a master abuses himself.

LILIT: Master without a slave abuses himself.

EVA: Who is that man? 

LILIT: Who was that man?

SHE: How come stronger is afraid?!

EVA: I don't understand!

DR: That man?

LILIT: Or fear?

DR: What did he wanted?

SHE: What did you wanted?

EVA: What does he wants?

LILIT: What he don't wants?

SHE: He don't wants to get involved. He likes shy girls with manners. He hates me because I'm such a turn on for him.

LILIT: He would like me better if I don't enjoy sex. To blush when I'm naked. To fake orgasms.

EVA: Those are the rules of that game!

DR: Game of erotic rapings.

SHE: Half-way from me, half-way from him, half-way there from everything

SHE: What have I wanted?

EVA: Love. Confirmation. Security. That was what I always looked for, in everyone and everything.

SHE: Them afraid freedom to lose. Them afraid of women which lost their freedom. Them afraid freedom lose. Them afraid wanted your security. Them freedom love most!!!!!

LILIT: At a snap.

DR: At a snap.

He wasn't afraid in the bus, when he layed his arm onto body of woman he never met before.

LILIT: He deserves to die.

(gun shoot)

To get that playfull arm cutted off.

LILIT: He wasn't afraid. When he layed his arm onto body. Body.

SHE: Woman is body.

My body evokes desire. Desire produces pain. Desire is pain.

DR: Symptoms?

SHE: My pain is large as death. And larger.

As life. Not as his life, nor his death, in my thoughts. His death in my thoughts. My desire of him to be dead. Not to be. Death don't hurts. My body hurts life like. Nobody's life.

DR: Nobody's, needed by noone...nobody's, needed by no one... nobody's , needed by none- equaly unwanted thing.

SHE: Write that down, pls.

EVA: Woman is home.

It's most important that everything in my home is perfectly clean. I can't allow moulds. Because of that I use most prosperous aperients. My husband is always satisfied, and the result I make is at most. Complete sterility, with almost no effort.

DR: Chemistry against life method . Really works?

EVA: Aha. Really. I 'm joyful. Have no problems left. In the beginning they didn't trusted me, but now everybody knows, I use the best.

DR: The best- against all know microbes, mites, moths, spiders, bugs as much bacterias as other unwanted life forms in your apartment.

LILIT: Every life form is unwanted in my apartment.

EVA: What do you mean by that?

LILIT: Bugs, mites, moths, children. Life means lack of hygiene. Filth.

EVA: Love?

LILIT: Mistake.

Life is a slut. Everyone can have it. Begins in mistake.

EVA: Or in love.

LILIT: What love?

In love... love is created just because of those who don't know they are sluts -to take their cloths off.

EVA: Love is ashamed in front of this lousy interpretation.

LILIT: Love, ah, love.

Life begins with sex. Precious sex. Banging the brains out of sex. Long and persistent sex. Fucking. Screwing. Banging. Filling.

SHE: And there is no love!

EVA: And God?

SHE: No love. Alcohol and sweat. And ruffled sheets.

EVA: But...God?

SHE: Can't hear. Can't see. Or doesn't want to see. Or there is no god.

DR: People are obviously became of primates, after years of evolution, when they stood up on their two feet, and started to work. Work made a man.

EVA: I am woman.

DR: There is no difference.

SHE: There is no difference?!

DR: That is how is ought to be .

LILIT: Still.

Nothing is how is ought to be . Or not to be. Pregnancy, for example. Authentic confirmation of mistake. Of carelessness. Children are made trough...

DR i LILIT: Microscopical interstices on pvc of condom or in miscalculation....

DR: ...In miscalculation of fertile and unfertile days, which by itself aren't contraception of any kind.

LILIT: Life is mistake, as itself. Life is wrong!

EVA: Life is from God. Woman is from rib. Children are from love. Love is from God. And what is that you don't understand?

DR: Just that, that ...there is no God.

And basic instinct exists.

DR: Decision.

SHE: I'm scared.

LILIT: ( Pregnancy test on screen)

Of course you're scared.

DR: How did that happened?

SHE: I always thought that I would know that. That it will be different from sex.

DR: Sex equals to making children. How could that might be different?

SHE: I thought that I would have some kind of a dream.

DR: But?

SHE: I don't remember.

LILIT: However... It was good. It's always was good. Honey, Yes....You are doing it so fine. Yes, yes, yes... AAAAH...and- over.

SHE: I thought it will be even better...Better.. Or worse...I thought that it hurts at least.

Life hurts.

EVA: Delivery hurts. Not...

LILIT: Screwing.

EVA: Not initializing. No. No.

DR: Decision hurts.

SHE: Everything is decided

DR: Think again.

SHE: I don't want to think.

DR: Basic example of conflict of motive of double refusal. If she brings fort she will deplore. If she doesn't she will deplore.

EVA: So what? Life is purging away. Without morale-you don't exist. Life is made of tiny things. Days are scatches for...

LILIT: Mini pizzas.

EVA: Picture postcards.

SHE: Who said mini pizzas? I want to eat caciavolo. Melted. With paprika. Sour milk. Fruit yogurt peach flavour. Peaches...Peach juice with whiped cream. Chicken wings. Roasted skin ...mmmm...Crispy like...

EVA: „Nut cracker“.

SHE: Wheat with walnuts. Walnut cookies. Mashed potatoes plus tiny livers in picant sauce. Rolled cheese.

LILIT: Rolled frankfurter.

EVA: Roll skating.

SHE: Rolled cheese, and salty stick...Hamburger!

EVA: How do You want it? Spices? Vegetables? Salads?

SHE: Everything. Give me everything!

LILIT: Mustard.

SHE: Give me mustard. Sour cucumber, ketchup, mayonnaise, bread, toast...

EVA: Mayonnaise light. You have to think of your line.

SHE: Super meat from super soup...

LILIT: Sausage!

SHE: Ham. Pressed ham! Pressed ham in sandwich.

(Lilit and Eva press Her, like ham in sandwich)

LILIT: Get a grip. Life is suffering. Suffering. With no reason. Cooking, eating, shitting and eating. Throwing up, sometimes....

SHE: Eating.

LILIT: Sleeping. Waking up. Career. Sex. Life is cleaning of apartment. Paying bills. Getting older. Getting kids. And sickness. It is always like that. Months are divided on fertile and unfertile days. Life is way around to death.

SHE: Create shortcut.

DR: But, is it ?

EVA: Life is looking at the sun. Light and warmth.

LILIT: And UV rays.

EVA: Protection factor... And when you fall in love, also. Remember? When you are learning and making things. Life is long learning. Where have I read that?

SHE: „Pink shrink”.

EVA: Yes. Life is a light. Small love for me. That nervous feeling in my belly, like passion. Pure passion. Pure magic. Being able to give. Giving life. Because you're woman.

DR: And woman delivers. 

SHE: I am woman.

DR: Medeya was woman , as well.

EVA: Well that! Panta rei! Woman is bringing forth. Where have I ..? I know. Woman is inexorable regeneration and circulating .

LILIT: Round and round and round...Chaining row of habits that repeats... Into infinity... Then death... People are born and dying.

EVA: Born.

LILIT: Dying

EVA: Born

LILIT: Dying

EVA: Born

LILIT: Dying

DR: It's a matter of decision.

SHE: I am scared.

DR: Of course you are scared.

All of abortion methods contains risk to woman's health. Bleeding, infections, emerging of internal organs. Modern science and medicine have not developed enough to stop this unwanted consequences. Modern A-bombs could wipe out half of planet, nuclear waste will soon be deployed in space. Scientists in India treats beans with gama rays , in order to prevent global warming. Of course you are scared. Abortion could cause sterility. Anyway, You can still have- cloned child!

SHE: (as a cloned child on stage )

Woman is fear!

My fear is large as death, as life, as well. Nobody's life. Maybe mine. Maybe his. Maybe ours. Maybe is better that life is nobody's. Maybe is better to lay down and die. ( tilt ) Maybe is better to lay down and die. Maybe is better to lay down and die. Maybe is better to lay down and die. Maybe it s better to lay down and die...Simply die because of too much life inside me.

EVA i DR: Hah! Die from surplus of life????

LILIT : I don't want it. That surplus! Take it out of me. I don't want it to walk and laugh! I don't want it to call me MAMA. No! I didn't wanted that to happened. „I didn't happened it.“ It was a accident.

EVA: There are no accidents.

SHE: Did I wanted to be born?

DR: Did anyone?

LILIT: No!

SHE: It's better that way.

EVA: Don't. Even if You suffer forever, for that.

SHE: It's better this way.

LILIT: It's better to be voyeur and lesbian. Better to be sodomist and pedophile. Better to be man and gay. It's better this way.

EVA: Maybe it is better. Since, as far as I can see... This world is full of voyeurs and lesbians.

Sodomy and pedophilia, gays, but - men too.

SHE: It 's better this way.

LILIT: It's better not to be born at all. Or to be voyeur and lesbian and pedophile and gay. And all that at the same time. It is best not to be born. At all. Life is made of meeting voyeurs, constantly.

SHE: Endlessly perverted.

EVA: It's better to be innocent and clean forever.

SHE: I can' t bring forth a bird if I am not a bird myself.

EVA: A bird?

SHE: Yes! Bird... To bring fort a necrophil I could stay way I am. Do you understand?

It is better this way.

DR: Not to be born.

LILIT: Death don't hurts.

SHE: And life. Getting around of way around.

DR: Were you eating this morning?

SHE: No.

LILIT: Well, yes.

EVA: No

DR: No?

SHE: No.

DR: Drinking?

SHE: No.

DR: No?

LILIT: Yes.

EVA: No, no.

SHE: No.

DR: Allergies?

SHE: (helplessly) Nooo.

LILIT: No.

EVA: Not that i know.

******* ( abortion )

DR: 90% of women had at least one abortion, more than half of this percentage had more than one abortion. According to statistics, every third Serbian women had at least one abortion. In it definition, abortion is conscious and intentional abruption of pregnancy. In some countries is illegal or allowed under certain conditions. This is not a case in Serbia, where every pregnant woman older than sixteen can expose herself to this simple surgery.

Trough history, in almost every society, with different methods. Methods of abortion are: A. B. C. D. E. F...

SHE: I think I'm bleeding.

DR: This is nothing unusual.

Bleeding will continue for two weeks , at least . If lasts longer, consult your gynecologist.

SHE: I feel nauseas.

DR: This is nothing unusual.

That is your reaction to anesthesia. Nauseusness in pregnancy are more expressed at mothers that are carrying female children. If this nauseusness last longer go see your gynecologist.

SHE: I feel like...

DR: This is not unusual.

No woman wants abortion. Not even Medeya. Not even that figure of female demon...

SHE: I am not Medeya.

EVA: Right...you are not.

LILIT: Better Medeya than Jason. And no thoughts left.

SHE: I don't want lover .Nothing gets me exited... I want to feel better. Bleeding to stop. Thoughts to stop. And not to be.

LILIT: However, I was looking the strange man in a bus. I seduced him and went to a drink.

EVA: It wasn't about sex!

LILIT: I always knew what I was about.

SHE: I didn't wanted this to happened. Not wanted happened this.

EVA: I wanted to be good.

LILIT: Good for who? Death is female. Good one is not existing one!

EVA: I wanted to be good.

LILIT: I always knew what I was doing.

EVA: I didn't wanted to be wrong.

SHE: I never knew what I wanted!!!

DR: And him?

SHE: What about him?

DR: Him?

SHE: Who him?

DR: That child, you couldn't made it all by yourself.

SHE: Oh, him?

It was a time when we were in love.

EVA: This mustn’t be the end.

SHE: I said „we were“ .

DR: Worst has passed.

LILIT: Behind end.

EVA: No. It mustn’t be. It's wrong. I still have love in me.

The first time when we kissed, I saw falling star.

SHE: I wanted him.

LILIT: You wanted to want him.

DR: Wanting machine.

EVA: What machine? I wanted him! And would again. When close my eyes I can feel his hair under my fingertips. Smell of first morning coffee ... I still have this love in me.

LILIT: You still have those memories.

SHE: Everything hurts.

EVA: What can we do on our own, he said. Even single bedrooms are made for two. And seesaws too. Sunset. Color of lily and sand in bath suite. Wind in hair, in train for seaside. Small picture.

LILIT: And who would say that is only that’s left after?...

SHE: Who would say. Everything hurts.

LILIT: That's it. Pain.

EVA: I loved him. I did.

DR: Woman is not guilty.

EVA: I am. I loved him.

DR: Woman is not and can't be guilty.

EVA: It was irreplaceable. I can't live without you, he said.

LILIT: Only cannibal can say that.

EVA: Only whore can not understand that .

DR: Woman is not and can't be guilty. You couldn't made child by yourself.

EVA: I did. I loved him.

LILIT: And now? Do you love him now?

SHE: Everything hurts

DR: Woman is not and can't be guilty.

SHE: I'm standing in mirror. Can't see my face. Not ugly nor beautiful. Simply, an ordinary girl. Half way there. Some other woman. This i mustn’t be. Some other woman in my mirror.

LILIT: His hair is red like fresh blood.

SHE: Red light. Careless at pedestrian crossing.

DR: Cannot and it is not. Guilty.

LILIT: She turns, and walks further.

SHE: Behind a dream.

LILIT: Her shadow turns around for her.

DR: Cannot be and is not- guilty.

LILIT: Her shadow turns around for her.

DR: SAY IT!

SHE: Is not and can't be.

LILIT: Is not and can't be.

DR: Is not and cannot be guilty!

SHE: Is not and cannot be guilty.

EVA: I loved him!

SHE: Women not guilty! Can't be guilty me! No way I could get myself a children. Children on my own myself don't get. Not guilty woman. Not capable of being guilty I.!!!

...Coming home. Squeaking of front door. Doorknob. Photo on table. Bath suite in lily colour, somewhere at seaside...Sandy beach. Nothing reminds me of nothing. I can't recognize a thing... Where is my remote controller?... I miss my TV program...I would like to watch TV...

SHE: ( TV program. As She speaks Eva simultaneously translates text to Spanish)

Woman is wasteland.

Hot as desert sand. Cold as desert sand.

My wasteland is like death, as life, uncutted, nobody's life. No one.

I am desert.

DR: Desert?

LILIT: Insatiable and dead.

DR: Salty?

EVA: As tear.

SHE: There are no tears!

I want to feel better. Bleeding to stop. Thoughts too. And feelings. And not to be.

EVA: Still, I want to deliver a son!

Mother's male. Mother's child.

LILIT: Then to grow.

EVA: Grandma's darling.

LILIT: To watch pornography.

EVA: Son.

LILIT: Do be voyeur.

EVA: Hero.

LILIT: To be gay.

EVA: Superhero.

LILIT: To fight.

EVA: First and son.

LILIT: To rape.

EVA: To look like him.

LILIT: To steal.

EVA: To live his life .His life. My love. Woman is love. Big passion for me.

SHE: Don't you understand anything?

EVA: I know what I know.

DR: You know only what you learned here.

EVA: It is awful to be a woman. This is what I know. I know that gel is not a liquid, and that you can't fly to the moon on wings of napkin. I know that lip shine is not a light bulb, and that magic cloth is not magical. I know that good detergent is not necessary expensive. I know that all frogs will not become a prince. And that all monkeys will not become men. I know rules of every game. I will bring forth a son.

DR: This in nothing unusual.

Expression „male“ shows domination. Institutionalize superiority of men above women.

Women are secondary.

SHE: And football is most important subsidiary thing in the world.

DR: Why should You want a daughter?... Women did gave birth to humanity, but men created civilization.

SHE: I want to stop!

DR: To stop what?! To stop waking!? With...how do you say...Guilt in your mouth?!

SHE: Guilt tastes like blood.

EVA: Abortion is murder!!!

SHE I DR: What?

EVA: Nothing.

SHE: I have to stop.

DR: To stop what?! To stop waking?! With pain in that thing of yours... uterus?

SHE: Pain is punishment.

EVA: Abortion is murder!

DR: What?

EVA: Nothing.

LILIT: I can' t kill what wasn't alive. Thanks.

EVA: Are you alive? Thanks.

SHE: Am I?

DR: Can you feel the pain?

SHE: Yes.

DR: That is nothing unusual.

EVA: Are you?

SHE: That is nothing unusual.

DR: Life is mass phenomenon. Death, however, happens to individual.

SHE: You see?

EVA: Being alive means finding love. Love in yourself. To explain the pain.

SHE: Find love to explain the pain.

EVA: Alive. To be alive. To be alive that means to find love. In yourself. To spend that pain.

LILIT: For whom is that love?

EVA: For yourself.

LILIT: And whom else?

EVA: For everything you have been.

LILIT: And whom else?

EVA: For everything you might have been.

SHE: I never knew what I might have been!!!!

DR: This is nothing unusual!

This is one ordinary girl.

When she gets to feel better, when bleeding stops, when guilt stops, when thoughts and memories of us. When demons around her pillow run away. Because, it's nothing unusual.

So: A) When that horror sequences in her head stops.

B) When she stops thinking about stoppage of thoughts

C) When blood drains out. Because that is nothing unusual

D) When she stops wishing stoppage of wishes. When pain in her uterus stops.

She will wake up. That is normal.

She will realize that she is no longer a ordinary girl.

Please, pay your attention.

This is an ordinary woman.

SHE: Woman is rage.

What? My fury is large as death. What? As life. Whose life? My life. And his. And ours. What? And that nobody's.

LILIT: Everything by it's price.

SHE: Be kind... How much for moment of carelessness in orgasm?

EVA: Whose orgasm?

LILIT: As death. As life. As secret. As fire. As home. As fear. As wasteland. As rage. Am I right?!

DR: Lets call things their real names.

LILIT: As woman.

EVA: And whose woman am I?

SHE: Can I be nobody's?!

LILIT: Her shadow turns around for her.

SHE: Can I be mine?!

LILIT: Her shadow turns around for her.

EVA: Only harlots are nobody's!

SHE: Can I be harlot?!

LILIT: You can always be harlot.

It's enough to burn somebody's eyes with your red glance, passing by. And not to lower your head. Or to enjoy sex. Yes. Really enjoy it. And not wanting to born child to anyone. It's enough to wear tiniest mini, and cross your legs in public.

SHE: I want to leave him!

EVA: That's wrong! I still have love in me. I still love him. Like that first day.

SHE: I hate him!

Woman is not. Woman is not and can't be guilty. He asks: What did you said?!

LILIT: I said, woman is not and can't be guilty.

SHE: He asks: What do you think, how do I feel?

LILIT: How do you feel?

EVA: Terrible. I know. He is worried

SHE: He says he is afraid. That he was afraid when I was entering that big white door of clinic. That I am everything He haves, and that he can't, that he couldn't live without me. Do you think I wanted all of this?! Do you think I am guilty?!

EVA: You are not.

LILIT: Oh, yes - you are!

SHE: You are guilty!

Beyond control of intellect.

LILIT: You're guilty because you haven't left this harlot to be one. Because this harlot became a killer. Or something worse, I don't know how to name it. Guilty! You are guilty!

SHE: Once more I raise my hand. And I see blood.

EVA: Blood on his gorgeous face.

SHE: Blood! And I hit him again, and again...

LILIT: You are guilty.

SHE: And again!

Guilty for my wakings. For anesthesia. For my fury you are guilty. For my child.

LILIT: It wasn't only yours.

SHE I DR: What child?

DR: There was no child. Do you understand? There was no child. No child. That thin, that we get ou from You, it was just small fetus...

SHE: He's looking at me. Something new in his eyes.

LILIT: Something red?

SHE: Bloody red.

He touches his face and see.

Red.

LILIT: Bloody red.

EVA: On his gorgeous face.

SHE: This is what you wanted, he asks...You want some?

His finger is red, and face. In a moment whole street turns red, and night and light...

LILIT: Do I want some? That same thing leaks out of my cunt, if you really want to know.

He deserved to die.

(Gun shots, one time, two time... nothing happened.)

EVA: Cut it out.

You will never kill him. In my mind.

SHE: You will never kill him in your mind.

EVA: In my mind.

SHE: No more I love him.

EVA: In my mind.

LILIT: I cannot love what I know.

SHE: I cannot love without excitement.

Nothing excites me.

LILIT: Go!

EVA:  Wait. And there is nothing that he is?

SHE: There is nothing between us, anymore.

EVA: Nor less.

DR: Mainly. More -less. That is nothing unusual. 90% of relationships where abortion happens- fails. It would be self-centered calling yourself...

LILIT: Special.

DR: Exceptional.

EVA: I never wanted to be, that.

SHE: What the hell do you want?!

EVA: What the hell you don't?

SHE: I don't want to sleep with him no more.

LILIT: Or to wake beside him.

SHE: Nor to wake. Nor beside him.

DR: That is nothing...

SHE: ...Unusual!!! Can't be. I was born. You were born. Everyone was born. Can't be unusual. Your life. My life. Yours and your, and any life you want.

LILIT: And nobody's life, in the end.

EVA: Nobody's life... it's slightly unusual.

SHE: Can I kill table? Ah? How 'bout chair? I cannot kill table!!! Can I kill a factory, for example?

EVA: What do you mean by that? Workers?

SHE: I can't. I can't kill factory, or concrete, or toilet seat! I can't kill what wasn't alive.

DR: And, can you kill yourself?

SHE: That would mean that I am still alive.

EVA: Are you?

SHE: With pain. Everything started to evaporate...vanishing...

Half alive.

LILIT: Half dead. As well.

SHE: Half way there.

I am cutted on half.

EVA: What am I talking about, right from the start?! Woman is half!

Half. Understand?! Half of life, somebody's or nobody's. Half of love.

LILIT: Of sex.

EVA: And from sex, as well. Fucking, screwing, banging, filling!... (she spits)

And you will never be special just because you are woman.

DR: Because more than half of entire human population already are. Before you .And after you. And in the same time. Pure statistics.

SHE: I am ordinary! Is it like that? I am statistics and I don't mean a thing.

DR: Except in statistics.

EVA: Or in whole of your half. Your half.

SHE: My half?

DR: Which half? Which gender?

EVA: Look. Man and woman were one. One. Where have I read it? ... Oh, yes. They were one. And God came and took one part from man , and : created woman.

That how woman became... Not from monkey.

DR: It's not just black and white .

SHE: In this gray world.

EVA: No! In this red world. In this bloody red world.

SHE: In this red world. You will not kill him, in my mind. 'Cause I'm marked. By Him. As a scar.

DR: On uterus. Not on your nose. It can't be seen.

SHE: Or on a palm. Like destiny. You will not kill yourself, in your mind. You will not scratch your scars, until it leaks again. Blood. I am marked. With you. Like red paint on face.

EVA: Or on a palm. Like horoscope. I will not kill myself, in my mind. I will not scratch. My scars. Until...Until I can still love. To love more. To love you in me and me in you. To love totally. To love absolutely universal. To love without anything rational. To love without anything irrational. To love without any explanation. To love you all the time I have you. Marked.

LILIT: In yourself.

That other woman. In mirror. That woman that sang lullaby. And touched you with others hands. That woman that turned you on.

SHE: Yes?

LILIT: She never existed.

EVA: Never.

(sound of breaking glass - off)

LILIT: Except in you.

In your head. Or on a palm. As destiny. In your mirror.

You will not kill her in your mind. You will not kill you in your mind.

DR: This life is inexorably predictable.

EVA: Well, of course! In the end , it is always love that wins...I am not afraid of giving. Diapers, rattles, baby's undershirts - nothing unusual, get it?

LILIT: Absence on all those parties? Trip around world?

DR: Dissertation defense?

EVA: I'm not afraid! It's horrible only what you can take?

SHE: What to take?

EVA: To take yourself. You lose right to take your life, get it?

SHE: You lose right to go to bathroom and cut your veins just because you hate this necrophile world.

EVA: You lose right to hate this world.

LILIT: You will not kill yourself .

DR: (stands up from her chair. Eve sits on it)

Therefore, terrible is only what you can take 'cause, when you are mother you lose freedom. Freedom that you never had. Full stop.

EVA: UNTIL ?

(DR is realizing that Eve took her place)

SHE: Until?

EVA: Until You learn how to love and want your own child.

SHE: What?

EVA: Say it! To want and to love your child.

SHE: To want and to love. Yourself.

EVA: Child. To want and to love your child...

SHE: To want and to love your...ch...To love and to want your chil...Child!

ALL TOGETHER: To want and to love your child. Loving child from your self want. Want yourself a children all. Children want and love. Love want child. Child by your own wanting and loving. You and child of yours love. Want. Child. Loving child from your self you want. You wanted child loved by You. Childe to love and want you. You to child want love...

EVA: Ok...Thank You, girls.

DR: (rise her hand) Excuse me, may I? ...

EVA: Go on.

DR: Thanks.

From here seen it implies or follows... There is nothing that implies. Don’t follows either. Everything is good. If it is decided. That is nothing unusual. Pain is one of most usual thing on earth...Maybe feminity is a pain. Maybe love is anesthetic...Anyway... now, what do you think about the word: CONTRACEPTION? !

THE END

• In Serbian, words „half“ and „gender“ sound the same / „POLA“, prim. Aut.
• Name of a female magazine. Literary translated it would be “pink nonsenses“, but in Serbian this phrase rhymes. / „Roze nebuloze“

Play was first time performed on May 16, 2004, in BITEF theatre. Directed by Jelena Bogavac. Cast: V. Djordjevich; H. Popovich; J. Ilich and D. Vranjesh. Scenery and costume: Ljerka Hribar; Ana Zarubica. Audio, video, word art and English translation: Igor Markovich. Production: BITEF theatre feat. DMS drama mental studio. Performance contains integral translation on English language.